A Conversation I’d Enjoy Having

During the Independence Day weekend 52 people were injured; 10 killed, including a 7-year-old boy in the oh-so-progressive—read regressive—city of Chicago. Police Superintendent Garry McCarthy said, “We need to repair a broken system.” Well thank you Captain Obvious. McCarthy is the same man who said his officers would shoot concealed-carry license holders when he was forced by court order to issue them. I was thinking it would be interesting to have a chat with the good Super. Certainly, I am not willing to go to Chicago, and rather doubting that he would consent to coming to Wyoming or chatting on the phone, here’s about how I’d imagine that conversation going if I did make the trip to the Windy City:

Me: Good Morning Superintendent McCarthy, how was your holiday weekend?

McCarthy: Not worth a s#&t. Who are you anyway? You look like some backward redneck who couldn’t find his a$$ at high noon and hasn’t had a bath in a month.

Me: Actually, sir, you’re not that far off, except that I did shower this morning. The few times I have been in Chicago I’ve had a heck of a time getting around there, but that’s not what I wanted to discuss with you. I understand there were some 52 people shot in Chicago this weekend with 7 fatalities, including a 7-year-old boy.

McCarthy: Yeah, what of it?

Me: Sir, I was just wondering whether any of the deceased or the shooters were concealed-carry license holders?

McCarthy: I don’t know. Hell, we can’t find half the shooters, probably a few of them were those a#$h()@s.

Me: Did you get any corroboration regarding the concealed-carry shooters, sir?

McCarthy: I don’t need any stinking corrobor…whatever the hell you just said. I’m the Police Superintendent. Whothehell are you anyway? Some kind of rabble rouser? What’s your name?

Me: Hmmm…maybe your guys just didn’t shoot enough of those pesky concealed-carry license holders, eh sir?

McCarthy: Listen redneck, get you and that filthy cowboy hat out of my town, or I’ll lock you’re a$$ up and throw away the key.

Me: You’re right, of course, sir. I’ll just mosey on back to Wyoming. I don’t think anybody got shot there over the weekend. Have a nice day, sir!

McCarthy: <expletive deleted> you!

The above was a fictitious event designed to entertain readers through humor.

Dave Campbell
Dave Campbell began his hunting career with a spear off the southern California coast in the late 1960s. It did not take long for him to graduate to the gun on land. Campbell is the founding editor in chief of the NRA’s tremendously successful Shooting Illustrated magazine. In 2006 he also edited the iconic book of terminal ballistics, Rifle Bullets for the Hunter—A Definitive Study. He returned to his beloved Wyoming in 2007 as a freelance writer, though he usually refers to himself now as a “recovering editor.”

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